Many people who identify as INFJs understand this feeling. You find yourself sitting in front of something you truly desire to accomplish. However, instead of taking action, you freeze.
It isn’t because the accomplishment itself isn’t important. In fact, it probably is extremely important. Therefore, failure is so emotionally painful that it feels like a loss of a part of you.
Why INFJs May Be More Afraid of Failure than Most People #
Failure doesn’t seem like a simple oversight for many INFJs. It seems like an attack. It touches their identity. It touches their worth. It touches their private inner world where vision resides.
Therefore, we don’t merely initiate projects. We assign value to them. We see what they can be. We perceive how they relate to other parts of our lives.
When we fail, therefore, it rarely appears to be a single minor setback. Instead, it can appear to be a ruling.
Furthermore, when you’ve previously experienced moments in which your internal truth was dismissed, the next time you make a move will be heavy with all that you did not wish to experience again.
The INFJ Pattern of Perfectionism and Emotional Exposure #
INFJs are often driven to complete tasks successfully; however, success is only half of the equation. There is usually another layer beneath perfectionism - emotional exposure.
What does it say about me if I put myself into it fully, and I am still unsuccessful?
This question lies under most avoidance behaviors.
Staying in development, refinement of ideas, waiting until the “right” time (even though you’ve been waiting for some time) - these are safe options.
Perfectionism is often dressed up as fear. While perfectionism may appear intelligent and thoughtful, many times it’s actually self-protection.
Additionally, since many INFJs process emotions very deeply, the period during which they are learning and developing can be quite brutal.
Newness at something is unrefined. It’s clumsy. It’s humbling.
Nonetheless, many INFJs view this initial clumsiness as evidence of their failure - when in fact they’re simply experiencing the raw and honest stages of development.
Why Past Misalignment Makes Failure Feel More Dangerous #
I believe this aspect of the issue is significant. Although many INFJs may not only be fearful of failure, but are also fearful of falling back into patterns of mismatch.
When you’ve spent years living a life that didn’t align with who you are as a person, you don’t enter change lightly.
You know what occurs when you continually neglect your internal signs. You know what takes place when you deny your internal voice for extended periods.
Consequently, by the time you decide to create something that represents your truth, the consequences for failure will be enormous.
In addition to knowing what financial or momentum losses would occur due to failure, I know this type of fear personally from my journey.
To leave behind a seemingly stable existence wasn’t merely an economic decision. It was an internal rejection of a lifestyle that no longer represented me.
After making such a choice, therefore, failure cannot only result in monetary or momentum losses. It can resurrect the previous dread that perhaps you weren’t permitted to make choices for yourself in the first place.
Because of this, fear can become entrenched in a way that transcends mere concern about the future.
It is a memory that exists within the body.
How INFJs Can Reframe Failure Without Lying to Themselves #
Pretending that failure hurts won’t solve anything. Unfortunately, failure does hurt… especially when you truly care.
However, failure is often not what many INFJs think it is. At times, failure provides valuable information.
Other times, it removes superficial layers and reveals the underlying structure.
At times, failure asks us to develop further root strength prior to entering the next cycle of life.
The picture of a tree in winter illustrates this point. Trees do not panic when snow covers them. They remain quiet and bare.
Beneath the surface, however, something is strengthening itself.
This image assists me greatly, as many INFJs are currently in seasons where little outward progress can be seen.
No visible results exist. All aspects of the project are incomplete.
This does not necessarily indicate that nothing is happening.
A more truthful reframe of failure might be as follows: Failure does not always signify that we’re on the wrong path.
Sometimes failure signifies that we’re now on a genuine path.
What Helps INFJs Move Forward Despite the Fear of Failure #
Most INFJs do not require additional pressure to act upon their fears surrounding failure. Rather, they typically require greater confidence in themselves.
As long as each successive step builds trust with your entire system regarding whether movement is possible, regardless of how poorly executed it may be (perfectly acceptable), one valid attempt will grow trust with your whole system.
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One successful publication will demonstrate to your system that attempting something difficult is viable.
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One conversation will help your system realize that interaction is possible.
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One offer will illustrate to your system that someone believes in you enough to offer assistance.
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One imperfect beginning will show your system that starting something is viable.
Separating vision from immediate outcomes can also assist INFJs.
A meaningful path is seldom created in one smooth action. It develops similarly to how recovery develops - slowly, unevenly, with setbacks that provide lessons if you are willing to stay present.
Although fear of failure does not imply weakness for many INFJs, rather, it implies that you are situated at the precipice of something that is worthy of importance.
Your aim shouldn’t be to become free from fear completely.
Your objective should be to stop worshipping fear as fact.
Even though your heart may beat rapidly and your hands may shake, you can still continue on forward.
You may have doubts and questions but you can still begin.
And sometimes those are the instances in which your actual life begins.