There was a time when I walked into new experiences, thinking about the next experience. Whether a new employee, a new friend, or a new season.
To me at the time, they had a value. And then Reality came along; it was harsher and smaller. And there was the space.
Why INFJs Build Inner Maps Before Life Has Unfolded #
It’s very rare that an INFJ will enter a situation as a fact. We don’t just see what’s happening, we also see the potential inside of it.
This ability is wonderful; however, it can alter the perception of Reality.
I have created maps of people, jobs, and seasons of my life. I didn’t just see what existed in the situation. I saw the potential within it.
I saw how a team could operate based on all members being honest. I saw how a relationship could grow deeper if each partner truly cared for the other.
If these realities had not occurred, I would have experienced more than disappointment. I became lost.
This is the struggle of the INFJ. We are not simply reacting to situations; we are reacting to the failure of an internal map we thought was true.
When INFJs Mistake Potential for Truth #
One important thing for INFJs to learn is that potential doesn’t equate to Reality.
An individual can be incredibly deep yet still remain unmovable. Two individuals can create an emotionally profound bond that later develops into an unhealthy attachment.
A company can seem filled with endless opportunities, yet pay its employees based on completely incorrect standards. Many times, we perceive the possibility of something so clearly that we believe it’s proof.
Therefore, misinterpretation occurs. Not because we lack wisdom, but because we desire authenticity.
We yearn for congruence among our words and actions. We want genuine concern and loyalty to mean something. Therefore, we interpret life according to our hopes.
I’ve lived with this pattern myself. For many years, I remained committed to those who seemed to show little interest in returning my commitment.
Much of my reasoning behind this was my belief that remaining faithful and open would eventually lead to some form of mutual support.
Although that rarely occurred, what I was witnessing was potentiality (not necessarily what was), and what was present was capacity, which turned out to be much smaller than I wanted to accept.
Why This Leaves INFJs Chronically Disappointed #
Eventually, this creates the impression that life is nothing more than one lengthy string of disappointments.
Not always heartbreaking, but repeatedly experiencing moments when the external world appears less aware than your internal world. Less purposeful. Less complete.
That hurts.
It can also go inward. INFJs not only idealize people and/or situations. They idealize themselves.
They envision themselves at a certain level of maturity, clarity, wholeness, etc. Then they encounter their “real” self in everyday life and feel as though they fell short again.
For example, this is why self-improvement can develop into obsessive behavior. Underneath it is typically a tremendous chasm between vision and Reality.
The vision itself is not the issue here; the issue is that you are forgetting that it remains a vision.
How INFJs Can Stay Idealistic Without Losing Reality #
You cannot become jaded. INFJs require optimism.
It allows us to find significance in things/relationships/situations that most people overlook (i.e., patterns & meaning).
However, optimism must be grounded, or it will continue to exist solely within a personal universe that no amount of Reality can fulfill.
A simple adjustment worked for me. Instead of constantly asking what something could become, I began asking what it is presently.
What does this person exhibit consistently? What does this place actually compensate/reward? What am I feeling currently (beyond what I wish were true)?
This transition does not eliminate hope. It gives hope a truthful basis.
This provides comfort. Even though Reality will probably let us down, it does not have to betray a fantasy we mistakenly interpreted as truth.