Many of us don’t break down from the trials and tribulations of life; rather, we break down because we’ve seen so much in life, and therefore, we believe it can be better.
We see the opportunity in a new chapter and expect it to be “right.” Then, Reality arrives wearing those worn-out shoes, and once again, Reality is smaller, colder, and less vibrant than what we brought into it.
Why INFJ Dreams Feel More Real Than Reality #
As an INFJ, you likely understand what I am talking about. Your internal space is not simply a product of imagination. It feels like a living entity.
An entity in which things connect, meaning has organization, and emotion precedes arrival at some point in time in the future.
Therefore, you grieve. Not only are you disappointed at what occurred. You’re also saddened by what could have been.
You envisioned the shape of beauty prior to its existence, and then Reality brings a different version of life, often a version that seems rougher.
Therefore, it’s not merely the occurrence itself that hurts; it’s also the loss of what could have been.
I’ve experienced this same cycle throughout my entire life. I’ve expected each phase (school, work, relationships, healing) to provide some level of clarity or explanation.
In many ways, I’ve anticipated each new stage to represent some type of “homecoming” within myself.
However, Reality rarely presents itself in such a neat package.
Often, Reality arrives with many forms of distraction (noise), compromise, confusion, etc., along with the limitations placed upon others’ lives.
The INFJ Pattern of Idealism and Chronic Disappointment #
Dreaming is not escaping for an infj. Dreaming is how we find our bearings.
We find our sense of direction by seeing the possibilities. We navigate toward meaning through imagining what our lives might become.
However, there is a dark side to having such a gift. If your mind is constantly searching toward the greater truth, the greater beauty, or the deeper version of anything, everyday Reality begins to feel shallow, uninteresting, and disappointing.
This isn’t to say that everyday Reality doesn’t possess inherent worth. Rather, your body/brain is accustomed to experiencing a more richly textured emotional experience internally.
I’ve also observed this phenomenon in my professional experience. I’ve assumed that the correct path/project/place would create that sense of unity/click for me.
Unfortunately, every new beginning requires that I wait patiently while navigating through uncertainty and dealing with aspects of myself that remain unfinished.
This pattern can occur anywhere. You may idealize a city, a relationship, a project, or even envision a future version of yourself.
Once the actual Reality arrives, it tends to feel somewhat flat.
At times, the greatest shock is not that other people fail to meet our expectations.
Rather, it is realizing that we do not perfectly align with the individual we imagine ourselves to be.
How INFJs Can Stay Hopeful Without Escaping Real Life #
We cannot cease dreaming. To ask a tree to never stretch toward sunlight would be asking the impossible.
What we can do is develop an authentic understanding of Reality.
For me, developing an awareness that vision is an invitation rather than a promise changed nearly all of my experiences.
Once we cease expecting that Reality will reflect our internal images, we suffer less. We become more curious. More adaptable.
And more appreciative of what truly exists in front of us.
INFJs require less complexity. They require firmer ground beneath their complexities.
We should maintain our dreams — yet dream with softer hands.
Often, the true gift is not the exact life we dreamed of.
Often, the true gift is becoming the type of person who remains open-hearted even when life arrives incomplete.