Many do not dislike INFJs for being evil. Rather, they dislike them for stirring the pot as much by accident as others would do intentionally.
You can hardly speak and cause another person to feel seen. This can often be the beginning of problems.
Why an INFJs Sensitive Nature May Feel Exhausting To Others #
On the outside, it appears to outsiders that you tend to be composed. On the inside, however, it can appear as though you have “no skin” when a careless word creates discomfort.
(You) Try to keep emotions in check; try not to create a big deal. Yet when something appears unfair to you, it continues to affect you.
Due to the fact that INFJs reflect upon their thoughts prior to speaking, constructive criticism tends to feel similar to a personal attack. As such, it will lead to some degree of defensiveness.
However, it will likely be silent. It will be subtle. It will be rigid. It will be moralistic. It will also be resistant to letting go.
Why Over-Analysis Can Drain The Energy Of An Entire Room #
Additionally, there is the issue of intensity. An external surface does not exist for INFJs.
Even the smallest social exchange can create ten doors within an individual. One comment becomes a pattern. One pattern creates an implication. One implication creates a mood.
Therefore, individuals may feel drained. They may simply desire a casual conversation. Instead, they are surrounded by an atmosphere of implications.
Similarly, I experience this in myself as well. I am able to perceive the unspoken atmosphere of a room and the underlying theme of an unspoken idea.
However, at times, that level of depth is not necessarily wisdom. At times, it will manifest as anxiety, perfectionism, or excessive talk about a situation that was intended to be a brief moment.
Why Warmth Can Suddenly Become Distance For INFJs #
As previously stated, INFJs are capable of creating a feeling of deep understanding for other people very quickly. However, once they begin to form close connections with those people, they tend to pull back when intimacy is realized.
Such feelings confuse and hurt people.
Much of this behavior stems from the desire for true connection while simultaneously desiring private internal space in which no one invades.
Therefore, you open the door to allow a real connection to occur. Then you panic when someone enters the room.
This contradictory nature of INFJs’ desires can cause individuals to view them as “high maintenance” despite having little desire to be viewed in such a manner.
Additionally, the tendency for individuals to pull away when physical or emotional proximity is established may create confusion regarding whether the INFJ’s actions were cold or if they were merely overwhelmed.
Why INFJs Often Seek To Improve Other People #
Lastly, there exists an aspect that many INFJs dislike revealing: occasionally, their desire to assist others stems from a desire to shape the world around them into how they envision it, rather than out of genuine interest in helping others.
You see great potential in people. You see who they could potentially become. You want to guide them there.
Although this behavior seems benevolent…it is often a quiet effort to alter reality.
You’re no longer relating to the person standing before you. You are relating to your vision of who they should be.
Such behavior can be perceived as stifling or oppressive by others - especially when the INFJ believes they understand people better than people understand themselves.
There is certainly value in such insight. Pride may reside in addition to concern.
Why Self-Awareness Makes Loving An INFJ Easier #
Fortunately, these behaviors are evidence of distorted strengths and not signs of anything being inherently wrong with you.
Your sensitivity becomes wisdom when tempered appropriately. Your depth becomes a meaningful connection when there is sufficient breath in both parties.
Your insight becomes love when you cease attempting to control everything you observe.
Not lessening your own depth. Not diminishing your own intensity. Simply being honest about your shadows and what lies beyond.
Once you stop concealing yourself. Stop explaining every beat of your heart. Stop asking people to relate to you on their terms when it isn’t natural for them to do so…Something softens.
Subsequently, the people who dislike you lose power and influence over you.
Those who appreciate you and the qualities that make you unique find you more easily.