Why INFJs See Potential Instead of The Current Reality #
For some INFJs, one of the most difficult things they must learn is this. We don’t simply see other individuals as they are. Rather, we see the individual he/she could be.
We sense the injury beneath his/her exterior, the sensitivity beneath his/her pride, the better life that lies beyond someone’s contradictions. And since that vision feels so “real”, we sometimes confuse possibility with character.
I am guilty of doing just that. I have stayed in situations longer than I should because I could feel the more genuine individual beneath his/her conduct.
The issue is that potential does not equate to choice. Someone may have an abundance of good, hurt, and pain, and yet continue to harm those around him/her.
Many times, it is the suffering that comes when INFJs form attachments to the seed but fail to acknowledge the fruit.
The INFJ Gift of Reading Emotional Patterns #
In general, INFJs are extremely attuned to subtle emotional cues. They pay close attention to pauses prior to an answer, the eyes that dim for a moment, and the delayed smiles.
They sense tone, atmosphere, silence, and tension almost as if they are reading a foreign language. As such, many times INFJs appear knowledgeable; however, they can also be overly exposed.
Since you are able to recognize what is missing in an individual, you want to finish their picture for them. You empathize by filling in the gaps.
You convince yourself that they are emotionally closed off (not dishonest), wounded (not manipulative), and lost (not unwilling).
While that is occasionally accurate, many times it is a story that your heart creates because Reality appears too small compared to what it hopes to discover.
Why INFJs Understand Others Better Than Their Own Feelings #
Many INFJs begin to assess the space before assessing themselves. We observe which individuals are experiencing discomfort, anger, shut-downs, and need gentleness.
Our focus tends to go outward with ease, so that our internal environment can grow congested and cloudy.
I know this experience well. At times, I have been aware of someone else’s pain clearly while feeling numb regarding my own.
Not due to no activity within me occurring, but rather because multiple messages were competing simultaneously.
My Feelings did not arrive as succinct sentences. My Feelings arrived as fog. Therefore, many INFJs require time to express themselves through speaking/writing/sitting quietly until the waters clear.
How INFJs Can Stop Idealizing People #
This transition occurs when you stop believing that insight provides evidence. The fact that you perceive someone’s concealed pain does not indicate safety.
The fact that you envision someone’s capacity does not suggest they are living with it. Maturity commences when an INFJ develops the ability to ask a less complex query.
What is the difference between asking who this person could be and who they consistently are?
It makes all the difference. It brings us back to habits, behaviors, and trustworthiness.
It enables us to cease sacrificing ourselves in order to comprehend others. The compassion we exhibit grows clearer.
Fewer rescue attempts. Fewer betrayals of oneself. Greater truth.
Love does not demand you overlook what you perceive.
What Healthy INFJ Insight Looks Like #
The actual gift has always been the realization that your perception of others does not provide you with the ability to analyze everyone perfectly.
The gift is recognizing how to utilize that perception without becoming absorbed into it.
An INFJ is at their greatest when both intuition and discernment work in tandem. Empathy is warm and not oblivious.
Hope exists, but is not controlling.
You do not need to discontinue perceiving potential. That is a component of your beauty.
However, potential must exist alongside Reality and not in lieu of Reality. Once you possess both Reality and potential, something transforms.
You become less captivated by illusions and more receptive to truths. Truths will safeguard your heart considerably better than projections ever would.